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Thank you to everyone who participated in the 2007 Own A Piece of KEXP Auction. While our auction winners won’t get to take anything home with them, they will get a certificate proclaiming their sponsorship of a piece of the station for the next 12 months so everyone will know that they supported KEXP in a very special way.
For those who didn’t win or have a chance to participate in the auction, you can still support the programming you love on KEXP by making a pledge now online or by phoning the Membership Office toll-free at 1-866-903-5397. Your support makes the exclusive live in-studios, interviews, web services, community initiatives, events and everything you hear on KEXP possible. Thank you for helping keep KEXP listener powered!
 | The Coffee Maker
I think it’s safe to say this might be the most important thing in the building. Come to think of it, maybe it's the urinal. It's sort of a chicken and egg thing there, I guess. Anyway, thousands of cups of coffee are poured here every year, mostly on the morning show. If you care about coffee or about John in the Morning staying awake, you’ll own the coffee maker. We will also offer you FREE coffee anytime you come into the station to visit your new coffee maker. Granted, we’d do that anyway, but still, it’s extra free for you.
SOLD! $250.00
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 | Pledge Room
If we were on episode of MTV's "Cribs," I would take you on a tour of the station and when we got to the pledge room I would say, “This is where the magic happens." Then, I would show you the giant Scarface picture above my bed (over there, right next to the big mirror). OK, so maybe there's no poster of Scarface or a bed in there, but if you own the Pledge Room you can make our dream of a giant Scarface picture happen. Plus, this is the room where thousands of people connect to the station during the pledge drive and the place where we have thousands of really boring meetings. Say hello to my little friend!
SOLD! $250.00
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 | Tom Smith's Plant
At one point, this bit of flora was declared "the only living thing in the building." The staff was slightly offended by this statement, but there is some truth in it. We don’t have a lot of “green” in here, except for the fields of pot plants growing on the roof, which power the DJs AND are environmental. Genius, really. If you don’t bid on this, Tom won’t be able to water it and it will die. If you can live with that, I feel bad for you. Bonus points if ANY of you can tell us what this plant IS. We have no idea. He said it was a gift.
SOLD! $112.50
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 | Women's Bathroom
After years of just the men’s room being up for auction, it's time for the ladies to get a chance! While the men’s bathroom is small, smells like urine and is the current home of Leon Berman, the WOMEN’S bathroom comes with space, a nice couch and smells of wildflowers and Strawberry Shortcake dolls. Now, if only the dudes who keep using it for the Strawberry Shortcake doll smell would remember to leave the toilet seat down, we’d be all set.
SOLD! $159.50
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 | John Richards' Hobbit
WTF? I have no idea. The “Morning Show Team Anarchy” created this thing and went all over town taking pictures with it to promote the John in the Morning New Year’s Eve Shows. It’s all rather disturbing, but if you’d like to continue to support the world travel of John the Hobbit, bid now. This thing sits right next to me every day so your name will too. I’ll curse both of you.
$107.50
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 | The Vault
Why is there a vault at KEXP? Because we have to store our jewels and gold somewhere, don’t we? Truthfully, it’s where we store Greg Vandy. The man is so on fire we have to lock him up all but the three hours every week when he’s on the air. So if you want to support Greg and the weirdness of having a bank vault in our building, bid now!
SOLD! $142.50
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 | Two Backstage Passes to the KEXP BBQ
The irony is we WON’T include tickets! You'll have to scale the fence or dig a tunnel or something. Actually, that’s not true. OK, it's true for our interns but not for YOU, the winner of the KEXP BBQ Backstage Pass deal -- TWO tickets PLUS backstage passes. Last year, I was able to hang out backstage with the bands and eat a LOT of cheese. Seriously, I ate a ton. I really worried about how much cheese one man could consume and STILL be able to find a keg that no one was guarding. It was beer and cheese, baby. I didn’t even see a band play. Just sat there bloated and drunk on the lawn behind the stage wondering why there weren’t any crackers. VIP passes! Bid now! We might even throw in a box of Ritz.
SOLD! $178.25
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 | High Dive VIP Table
Sweet Jesus, the VIP table rules! Trust me on this one. You bid on this and you get your choice of Sept 1st, Oct 6th, Nov 3rd or Dec 1st to have your OWN reserved table at the High Dive along with “beverages” and “food." And by “beverages,” I mean beer, and by “food,” I mean corndogs, and by “quotation marks,” I mean I’m putting my hands in the air and making that quotation sign with my hands. You don’t even want to know how I’m typing right now. Get this and support our non-profit efforts!
SOLD! $202.50
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| Last of the Denon CD Players (6)
Why should YOU care about the Denon DN-C680 CD Players?! Why, because they kick the crap out of the Denon DN-R2D2 model, of course! That stupid model never made any sense to me. It could control an entire Death Star from its built-in pocketknife but couldn’t speak English. Idiot. The C860, however, is the last of a dying model. It was actually developed for KEXP and could interface with our CD-ID application. What does that mean? It means C3P0 sucks AND that because of these players, you can see what is played on our Real Time Playlist. So, if you care about the DJ not getting carpal tunnel syndrome from too much typing, you’ll support the upkeep and love of the DN-C680!
SOLD! $202.50
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 | Green Office
The best part of the “green office” is that it used to be another color and Cyrus WANTED it green. If you look closely, you can see the ghost of the Incredible Hulk, Kermit the Frog and Mr. Green Jeans. Actually, only Mr. Green Jeans is dead. Anyhoo, your name will be put on this office, which currently serves as our technology hub! That’s right, turns out green is the color of the future. Huh, I always thought it was black. I mean, look at Terminator, Blade Runner, Flash Gordon … nothing but black. Actually, Flash wasn’t that dark, just really weird.
(KEXP Staff not included.)
SOLD! $118.60
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 | Your Choice of a Late Night DJ!
We here at KEXP are not above selling off our staff to you, the loyal listener. This one-time offer is open to everyone out there who has always wanted to own their very own overnight DJ. What does “ownership” mean? Well, it means you get the knowledge that your money is going towards the coffee, NoDoz, Red Bull and possibly speed that our late nighters consume to bring you, the masses, music that matters 24 hours a day. If you can find better late night DJs, I’d be shocked, and if you can BUY one, I’d be even more shocked.
- Troy [ SOLD! $63.00 ]
- DJ El Toro [ SOLD! $127.50 ]
- DJ Shannon [ SOLD! $127.50 ]
- Chilly [ SOLD! $138.85]
- Larry [ SOLD! $66.00 ]
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| KEXP Transmitter
Remember that WKRP episode when Johnny Fever goes out to the transmitter because there's a bomb threat in the studio but then it turns out the bomb is actually in a toolbox -- at the transmitter?! I hadn't been so freaked out since that time they tossed live turkeys out of the helicopter. “It's like wet bags of cement hitting the earth! Oh, the humanity!” My point, and I do have one, is that here at KEXP, we have a transmitter and that bad boy is pumping out 3,359 watts, baby! Actually, the signal that reaches the antenna is 2,338 watts, but there is some “gain” and it puts out 4,697 watts, which is good because that's what the FCC is allowing us. I don’t know what any of this means, but let’s split the difference and have you give a dollar a watt! That’s right, baby, BUY NOW and for $3,359 you get your name up on the transmitter on 17th and Madison! You can listen knowing each watt is yours.
SOLD! $306.87
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 | Empty Wall
This is the longest wall here at KEXP. There is nothing on it. Your name will be it. I’m pretty sure it holds up the entire building. Just a wall at KEXP with your name and nothing else. Personally, I think that rules.
SOLD! $516.00
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 | New CD Mixers
The CDJ-1000 allows our DJs to be able to mix and match beats! Problem is, we don't have these new decks yet, so you’d be helping our DJs do their jobs by bidding on these bad boys! You love KEXP DJs, don’t you? If you love KEXP DJs, you’ll show us with a bid, right? Oh, I see, you just say the words. Well, you know you could show it once in a while, too. Come on, a simple dinner or some flowers? Or how about not hanging out with your friends until 3 a.m.? You ever think about that? I mean ... uh, please bid on our new mixers, they will help our DJs mix. Even at 3am.
SOLD! $76.00
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 | Window in the Booth
If this window looks familiar to you, then you’ve been in prison. Support what little light the DJs get. It’s also what we like to call “weather central." If you’ve heard our detailed weather reporting then you know that we just basically look out this window and call it like we see it. We’d do a traffic report but the window is so high we can’t see any cars.
SOLD! $233.50
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 | The Death Fridge
Oh yeah, you know it and you LOVE it -- the Death Fridge. It was made famous in a blog post a little while back. KEXP knew the far-out fridge was finally a real live business when we started a) smelling bad things growing in it; b) telling people to stop stealing each other’s lunches from it; and c) blogging about it. (That last one was more of a "we know we're dorks when we post blogs about our fridge” kind of thing.) Anyway, we’ll put your name front and center on ye ole Death Fridge and every time Don Slack goes for a Hot Pocket, Leon grabs a 40 or Rachel makes a batch of her “special Kool-Aid,” you’ll know you were to blame.
SOLD! $122.50
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 | The Urinal
The urinal is by far the most sought-after item here at KEXP. Not since the days of seeing my name and number above the toilet at the Crocodile with a “for a good rub and tug” next to it have I been excited about a name on a bathroom wall! Know that if you own this, everyone who ever uses the urinal will see your name. Everyone from Jim James to Moby to our own Cheryl Waters (long story) has used that urinal, so step up now and pay for the honor of having your name on the men’s bathroom wall.
$87.50
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 | Programming Interns
Number of Interns as of 6/27/07: 30
Average age of interns: 22.4
Average number of hours volunteered per week: 8
Average hours of sleep per night: 6
Average number of energy drinks per day: 2.2
Average number of days gone with out bathing: 1.7
You can own these interns and do what we do -- make them fetch coffee and, if it's not hot enough, beat them senseless.
SOLD! $76.00
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 | The Buzz-In Button
If you press this button, the station will self-destruct. It’s important. OK, it’s not THAT important but it's what every person who comes here has to hit in order to get in the building. Sometimes we even answer it! So when they see your name, you’ll be blamed for a lack of response. Anyone who never answers their phone should bid.
SOLD! $251.50
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 | FCC Podcast
So far, John Richards has put together TWO -- count 'em, TWO! -- podcasts that showcase some of the songs the FCC would definitely deem unfriendly for radio play. In fact, they would deem them unfriendly and then they would fine us back to the Stone Age because back then they didn’t have swear words. Those were simpler times when the world wasn’t corrupted by swear words, life expectancy was around 17 years, and there were no wheels or language. Nope, just a bunch of hairy-knuckled cavemen walking around beating the crap out each other with sticks. Man, those were the days. If you bid on this one, your name will be attached to the latest Anti-FCC podcast KEXP puts together. And if you're anything like John (and we know you are), you want to do what you can to support swearing. A LOT!
SOLD! $130.00
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 | DJ Booth
Truly where “the magic happens." This is the HUB of all that we do here at KEXP. It’s an amazing room crammed with everything a DJ at KEXP could ever need. It has CD Players, computers, TVs, turntables, a Kegerator! Alright, it doesn’t have that yet but man, we need one in there. Step up! Every DJ on the air here will see your name daily and know you love what we do here.
$178.25
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 | Kevin's Hair
Not since the days before Einstein explained the theory of relativity have more people tried and failed to explain such a complex conundrum as how Kevin's hair can be so beautiful and silky smooth. Some say that when you touch his hair, you are touching the hand of God. We hear a small cult has even sprung up outside of West Seattle that considers his hair as a potential fountain of youth. Kevin may get a little tired of a small cult sitting in his bathroom trying to collect water from his hair every morning, but no one said being the object of follicular worship was easy. The tricky part of owning Kevin’s hair is he has to carry a sign around with your name on it and an arrow pointing to his head. Truly the greatest thing you could ever bid on because when people ask, “What did you get when you gave money to KEXP?” you can say, “Kevin Cole’s hair."
SOLD! $513.00
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 | Cyrus, "KEXP Systems Coordinator"
While most people strive to be on-air DJs or work in the promotion or marketing departments of KEXP, Cyrus had a different dream. He had a dream that no one could really understand or appreciate. He wanted one day to be “KEXP Systems Coordinator." Sure, he didn’t know what the position meant but heck, neither do we. What’s important is this: he sits at a desk and appears to be doing some work here. Can’t you support a man with a dream, a man with little or no education, a man who might actually be a woman now that I think about it? If you step up now, you OWN Cyrus and to be honest, he’s cheaper than a date and puts out.
SOLD! $200.50
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 | The Generator
KEXP has a sweet ass diesel generator that provides us with backup power. It's like one of those old diesel Volvos that you get behind and have to shut your vents to your car because you’re being choked out except it's not a car and it powers an entire radio station. We’ve had to use this generator a number of times, including the Great Blackout of '05 (actually, it was just a grid that went on the fritz) and the great Seattle fire of '04 (come to think of it, we didn't really have a great fire or lose power … I think the Hostess factory went up in flames). Anyway, this thing is important because we need power. It runs on a 190-gallon tank and will keep us broadcasting for 48 hours! So here’s what we’re going to offer: BUY NOW at 190 bucks and you will be paying a dollar a gallon! That’s pre-Jimmy Carter prices right there. A buck a gallon might land you on a watch list. We’ll fire it up for you if you buy it. That’s POWER!
SOLD! $87.50
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 | Black Angels Cow Skull
Pretty much the greatest promo item ever to show up at the station is this signed cow skull from the Black Angels. That’s how they roll in Texas, man. I heard they killed and skinned the cow themselves. Actually, they just signed the skull, but how badass would it be if they DID do that? I’m a vegetarian and I still think that rules. Not only will you own the skull for a year, but the band will also send you some super-sweet SIGNED swag. While the skull will stay here in the front lobby with your name next to it, you can dive into some exclusive merch from the band.
SOLD! $202.50
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 | Cheryl's Supply of Chocolate
If you love Cheryl, then you know she loves chocolate. And if you love chocolate, then you love Cheryl Waters. I’m not sure that makes sense but what I do know is if you want the love of one the best DJs in the world then you will step up with a bid to sponsor her addiction. She will see your name every time she goes for the sweet cocoa bean, which means she could potentially be staring at your moniker 20 times a day.
SOLD! $232.50
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 | Leon's Office (The Men’s Room)
The station's growth and the number of projects we have in the works have led some to say we need to come up with new and original ways to manage staff space. This is totally true, but to be honest with you, the men’s bathroom has been “Leon’s Office” for the entire five years we’ve been here -- WELL before there was any space issue. This is where he takes important meetings, plans his show and hides from his family. Sponsor his office and get a station tour from Leon, along with some “office time,” if you so desire.
SOLD! $281.01
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 | KEXP Live Room
Nearly 400 in-studios happened in this room last year. Over the last five years, thousands of in-studios have taken place. We’ve created three compilations from those in-studios, which have helped raises hundreds of thousands of dollars for KEXP. Now, you can now own this amazing room and help pay for the in-studios you love so much. Every artist who plays here will see your name proudly displayed in the room.
SOLD! $800.00
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* You will not literally own the items you sponsor. You will have the sole
bragging rights to them for one year. They must remain at the station at
all times (except for Cyrus who may leave from 6pm to 9am and on weekends.)
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