Review Revue: Hard-Ons - Love Is a Battlefield of Wounded Hearts

Review Revue
04/07/2016
Levi Fuller

I could have a whole sub-category of this series called "why didn't I listen to this band in high school?" If I did, this record by the Hard-Ons (Or is it just "Hard-Ons"? a quick survey of Internet usage is inconclusive.) would most certainly be part of it. Loud, fast, guitar-driven songs ping-ponging between sincere emotion and juvenile toilet humor ("lovable teenage innocence + obnoxious teenage maliciousness," in the words of one of our reviewers)? Sign 14-year-old me up!

I wonder if, despite my semi-rebelliousness in my early teen years, I would have just felt a little too scandalous bringing an album by a band called the Hard-Ons into my parents' house at that age. I don't know if it was that, or they're being a not super-well-known band from Australia (another possible sub-category for this series), but sadly, I did not listen to this band at the appropriate age, even though they released the bulk of their albums before I turned sixteen. Time to make up for lost time!

And Hard-Ons continue to rage, apparently. For those of you in Australia, the band are apparently playing the Housefox Fest 2016 in North Narrabeen on April 16th. Get your tickets now!

"Grunge-metal expertly played, but the lyrics still stink & the vocals are still just okay. More mainstream overall.... & they thank both Sub Pop & Les Thugs on the inner sleeve."

"The Hard-Ons have 2 sides - lovable teenage innocence + obnoxious teenage maliciousness. I love the former + try to ignore the latter. This record is probably their poppiest + least obnoxious. The lyrics seem to be substantially less sexist. Still wish they'd dump that side of them, but overall I can't help but like this band a lot. M"

"L????!!! I could just spit!" [Written by the same person as the above review.]

"Don't blow - suck - blow's only an expression."

"May I go so far as to mention that tears form in my eyes when I hear the guitar intro to 'Get Wet'?" [Youtube link provided to spare you the indignity of typing "Hard-ons get wet" into your computer. You're welcome.]

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